Archive for the ‘ Funny Feelings ’ Category

Link between Mahabharat and Dogs

This blogpost is remotely related to my previous blogpost about bisexual dogs.

I was given gyaan about this tamil proverb by my friend ashwin and I spent the rest of the evening laughing out loud. Before I go to the proverb, Lemme ask you all to guess the link between Mahabharat and Dogs..

I hope most of you get this right.. The link is that when Yudhishtira is walking towards the nether world, he is accompanied only by a dog. All his brothers and even his wife dies, but Yudhishtira walks alone and is surprised to look at a dog accompanying him. When he asks the dog as to why it still is accompanying him, the dog transforms into the Lord Yama, (The Lord of Death / Truthfulness and the father of Yudhishtira). The answer that Yudhishtira gets is that since he was not supposed to utter lies and since he uttered a lie in the battleground of Kurukshetra, he is made to suffer the loss of all his near and dear ones.

BTW, the lie uttered by Yudhishtira on the battleground is “Ashwaththamo Hataha (Kunjaraha)!” He announces the first two words aloud, but tells the third word in a whisper. Though this was a truth, that an elephant named Ashwaththama died, he intends to give this message to his Guru, Dronacharya (Ashwaththama was the son of Dronacharya)

Coming back to the story of the dog! I always imagined that dog which followed Yudhishtira on his last walk to be of the Labrador breed.. I have no idea why! It is really funny that I recollect that now!

Unknown to all of us, there is another link to the dogs and Mahabharatha.

WARNING: MATURE CONTENT – UNDERAGE VISITORS (IF ANY) MAY STOP READING HERE!!!

Now, who was Draupadi? She was the only wife of all the 5 Pandavas. As any other human, the Pandavas too had their wants to be satisfied and during those days, the symbol used by any of the pandavas to the others while spending private and quality time with Draupadi on the bed (a.k.a Fornicating) was that they used to leave their chappals outside the door so that the others do not disturb this moment of privacy.

It so happened one day that while Arjuna (The third pandava) was really busy with Draupadi, Nakula (The Youngest of Pandavas) enters the room and Arjuna gets disturbed. Embarassed and Shy, He gets furious and wonders as to why Nakula did not observe his chappals outside the door. There were no chappals outside the door and on investigating, the chappals were stolen by a DOG! So, Arjuna utters an irrevocable curse, which in Tamil, is as follows:

Naan Okka, Nakulan Nokka|

Naayi Okka, Ooore Nokka||

Which, while translated into English is:

When I was screwing, Nakula was watching|

So, whenever the dogs screw, let the entire town watch||

So, now you know why the dogs screw in broad daylight in front of all humankind!

As with any other saying, this one too has a corollary. Let me tell you folks abt the background of the corollary before telling the corollary.

Now, due to the above curse of Arjuna, all the dogs feel bad and they approach Krishna. Krishna, being the busy person He was, with all his 16k plus girlfriends, he takes his own sweet time, but then agrees to speak to Arjuna and get the curse revoked. Arjuna, being the ardent devotee of Krishna, agrees immediately and says that since the curse was given to the whole of Dogkind, they should take an application and an approval form signed by Arjuna; to Brahma as He is the only person having the power to revoke the curse.

So, with the approval letter and the application with them, all the dogs start going towards heaven to meet Brahma. On the way, it starts raining heavily. In order to keep the approval letter safe and dry, the dogs roll the approval letter with the application and shove it inside another dog’s arse. It rained continuously for a few days and when the rain ceases, the dogs are all confused as to which dog has the approval up its arse.

Now, that is the reason that dogs are sniffing at each others arse just before it rains and just after the rains end. They still have a hope that they might find the approval letter and get rid of the curse of Arjuna!

Brahmanism – Being a Brahman

WARNING — LONG (VERY LONG) CONVERSATION!!!

My good friend has this to ask. I guess this is too much of a delay to comment on the same / to have a blogpost of the same. But as one of his friends have commented, it is always going to be an us v/s them debate.. coz you only know your side of the story. You can only assume “their” side of the story.

DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional record.. and not an actual conversation that has happened..

Lemme start by telling “my” side of the story.. and then, build their “counter arguments” for it.. and if possible, try to get this in a narrative style.

Me: My friend says that “we” are the “you” of yesterday.. what do you feel?

Them: Bull / Crap SHIT!!! U gotta be kidding me… We are still treated as untouchables in many a part of India. We are still being denied entry to temples, still being treated as outcastes that way, still being killed – butchered i should say, by the so called upper castes.. and you are talking that you brahmins became us dalits?

Me: Well, am sorry pal to have hurt your sentiments, but don’t you think that we have been giving you as much opportunities for equality as you think?

Them: Equality??? It is not the “technical” openings that count here.. it is our general lives and the daily struggle that we face.. how many times have you been looked down upon, as soon as you tell your background to some stranger?

Me: Ohh.. Yeah.. I can understand

Them: UNDERSTAND LIKE HELL!!!! YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD.. YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.. AND YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND…. IT IS DEEP ROOTED IN YOUR BLOOD… HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT YOU UNDERSTAND? AND HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND???

Me: Well buddy, you are touching a nerve there.. and you are treading on a very narrow line.. just chill.. let’s discuss!

Them: Sorry if I offended you, but this very discussion is happening against us.. you have been telling in this discussion about “we” and “them” and thereby, you have kept us and you seperated.. you don’t treat us as equals even in this goddamn blogpost that you are typing right now!

So, that makes me change the “me” to “A” and “them” to “B”.

A: There, that has been taken care of.. anything else that you wanna tell before we start this so-called argument?

B: Now, Thanks for making that.. we feel much better off now..

A: You say that we still are not equal, even after increasing the reservation percentages, even after ignoring all those rigid lines that were cast by our ancestors about dalits being the outcastes of the society?

B: Have you ever heard of Dr. B R Ambedkar? or about Gandhi and the Harijans?

A: Yeah, have heard of them.. but have you ever read Mulk Raj Anand’s the Untouchables?

B: What??? There is a book about us??? DAMN! I would have to raise an issue out of this.. create a strike, hartal, stop the wellbeing of all you “higher classes”

A: We “Higher Classes”??? Look who’s talking now.. we had just decided that we would not differentiate between ourselves and here you go again…

B: Ohhh…. Yeah! Born Habits…

A: Okay.. talking about Habits.. what do you think?

B: You talking in general about habits or specific to our discussion? Why are you straying away from the topic? You wanna shirk off issues?? You cowardly bastard!

A: Watch it pal.. you are taking a lot of liberty with me being considerate, the way I am!

B: Okay.. no offence meant.. but I guess that too is a habit

A: Yeah.. I was talking about the same thing… Swearing / Using a lot of swear words / Talking in an uncivilized manner / Thinking about disrupting human life as soon as you get an opportunity to do that / Thinking of always taking things to your own hands and actioning on them in a violent way / Spitting on the roads / Chewing Paan endlessly / Increasing the profits of the Gutkha Manufacturers / Smoking beedis in public places / Squatting as if u r in an Indian style loo while smoking or spitting pan etc etc.. these are a few of the habits that I have observed you guys doing often..

B: From when did gutkha / beedis / spitting / paan become only our cuppa tea?

A: Those were examples dude.. In earlier days, only you guys would do it always and the Brahmans would consume only Paan occasionally.. though even till date, smoking and gutkha and spitting on the roads is a stricty NO NO for us!

B: Hmm… Yeah, I had read that somewhere.

A: Now, look, who is shirking away from the topic??

B: Well, you are taught so by the society..

A: Don’t blame the entire society

B: No, lemme complete, the way you are brought up, the way you live and among whom you live contributes a lot to the attitudes / habits of people. You see your elders / relatives / parents / friends / neighbours doing so and you tend to do so too.. something similar to looking at a friend smoking and getting inspired to smoke.

A: And???

B: You realize that if you do all these things, your words are considered effective in your neighbourhood and your kids / small kids / other people listen to you. That is when you get confidence and you continue doing the same without realizing what you are doing.

A: Hmm.. that is true too..

B: Now you know why we do that.. we have been treated like outcastes from time immemorial that we are forced to raise our voices and the best way to get work done is to swear!

A: You know when we raise our voices normally? While chanting vedas / shlokas. And if we want to get a work done from someone, we use the silent treatment.. we keep quiet or talk in a very very low tone! The other person would immediately stop his/her work or noise and try and listen to us very carefully. That works out actually!

B: Even we go to the temples..even we maintain silence / dignity in temples

A: And???

B: Now, you cannot expect vedas and shlokas to be chanted by us!

A: Why not??? You heard of Valmiki? Legend says that he was a hunter who was inspired by a couple of doves to meditate and then was able to create the epic Ramayana

B: I did not know that!!!

A: Not many people know that.. and you know what? We are advocated not to have garlic / onion ever. These days, however, we have the rules modified to our preferences and we can have onion / garlic whenever we want but not two days before we do any ceremony and not a day after we do the ceremony

B: Why is that?

A: Coz Garlic and Onion would make your speech slurred and ur tongue thick and not let you utter the hymns properly

B: It might be so.. but why a day after?

A: Coz we consider that the mind would still have retained some hymns and we would not dare to utter it in a wrong way. Sanskrit is so delicate that even if you utter a syllable more or less, it would bring a completely different meaning to the hymn and the prayer.

B: Don’t bluff…

A: No really.. okay.. lemme tell u another incident which has been quoted in the vedas

B: Which Veda?

A: The upanishads actually.. they are called Vedantas..

B: Okay go on…

A: You have heard of Vishwamitra? He was a great king who once waged a war against a great saint named Vashishta for the sake of a divine cow (Kaamadhenu). When he lost, he asked Vashishta the secret and Vashishta had answered that he could divulge it only to Rishis. Now, this king was one with a lot of Ego. He got a dent there and renounced his kingdom. He meditated for a long time and then, was bestowed the title of Raja Rishi.

B: And then??? This might have been possible only in those times or only in legends.. Now you ask any politician to leave his chair, he would never do that!

A: Don’t drag the story elsewhere… Lemme continue..

B: Okay… go on

A: Vishwamitra was not happy with this title.. He wanted the title of Brahma Rishi.. And he still had his ego / anger to control before he could get that title. So, he started doing a bigger penance which was disturbed by one of the apsaras (I guess it was Menaka, but Internet says Rambha) and Shakunthala was born! I don’t want to go in detail as to what happened there.. but Vishwamitra left the new born child and the apsara and started his penance all over again.

B: So, ditching the new born girl child happened in those days too…????

A: Yeah, but the child was taken care of by another great sage named Dhurvasa who was known for his anger.. and was raised to be one of the most beautiful women and in time, she married King Dushyant and gave birth to a son named Bharat who was so wise a king and ruled India so greatly that the entire country came to be known as Bharatha rashtra or Bharat.

B: You were talking about Vishwamitra

A: See.. that is why i ask u not to disturb me.. So, where was I?

B: You were and are still here.. but in the story, you were talking about Vishwamitra having started his penance all over again.

A: Oh.. yeah.. thanks.. So, Vishwamitra sits for the penance and guess what? he is disturbed again.. by a dalit king (a.k.a Shuudra in those days), named Trishanku. So, he asks Trishanku as to why he was making so much of a ruckus… And trishanku answers that he wanted to see what heaven was like while he was alive itself. Now, that is most absurd for a wish, but then, you know what eccentricity is all like. So, Vishwamitra takes it up as a challenge.. Those days, teleporting was not possible.. so, he starts a huge ritual and with all his power at stake, he sends Trishanku to the heavens.. But Trishanku is kicked out of there by Indra. Vishwamitra gets even more pissed off and stops Trishanku midway. He creates another heaven between earth and heaven for the sake of trishanku. That is still called Trishanku Swarga.

B: Okay.. but never in your story did i get the one syllable more or less thing

A: Did I complete yet? While Vishwamitra was trying to teleport Trishanku the first time, he uttered a syllable more and the entire Heaven of Indra (Indraprastha) was dragged down to the earth. That pissed Indra off and that is why Indra kicked Trishanku back to the ground. So, just for the sake of a syllable, an entire kingdom had come to the verge of destruction. Thankfully, it was Vishwamitra who uttered it and he could immediately correct the same.

B: Ohh.. is that so?? So, you still believe in all these things?

A: Not the case of believing in them.. but they are all in the Vedantas and it is an assumption that Vedantas are supposed to be the truth and are supposed to help mankind to lead a better life.

B: So, what are you actually trying to tell me?

A: I am trying to tell you that all you feel and all these inequalities and so called outcasteism are all a thing in the mind.. If we all open our minds a bit, we would then be able to treat each other as human beings and nothing more / nothing less. That is all that counts. I would not care about your religion or gender or caste or color or any such trivial thing. You are welcome to visit my house, eat whatever you want, behave the way you like to be.. Nothing stops you.. Unless you put a firewall to your imagination or your psyche and stop yourself.

It is all in the mind.. it is all how you think.. it is all with you.. Nobody can do anything, Nobody has done something, Nobody will dare do anything unless you agree.

Lemme conclude by quoting something from the Purusha Sooktha, and my understanding of it. Purusha Sooktha is the way we men pray to be and that is a prayer to the Lord Vishnu who is considered the ideal person (purusha).

Brahmanyoasya mukhamaaseet|

Bahoo raajanyaha kruthaha||

Uroo tadasya yadvaishyaha|

Padbhyaagam Shoodro Ajaayatha||

This is a description of the Lord and it says that the Brahmana is the highest of all, he evolved from the face of the Lord. The king comes next and he evolved from the arms of the Lord. The businessman comes next and he evolved from the thighs of the Lord. The shoodra (dalit) is the last and was evolved from the feet of the Lord.

My take of the above meanings are:

The brahmana evolved from the face.. he is unfit to do any hardwork.. he survives by using his face / head (eating, speaking, thinking, listening to people, suggesting people etc etc)

The King is all powerful. He is supposed to work for the people and he would take care of his people. He would also be consulting the brahmana for any suggestions coz he would not be able to think on his own.

The businessman leads amongst all the people who support the King. Without the thighs, a man cannot do anything. The kingdom strives on the business it does. This is the main way of earning revenue for the kingdom. Without the businessmen, the king would not exist and thereby the brahmans would not exist. Business here means not only having a shop or generating revenue, it also means that you WORK!

The dalit is the bottom most of the category and yet, he is a part of the Lord. Wherever you go, what do you do to pray respects? You fall at the feet right? It is the same.. You need to keep the Dalit happy to survive. If the feet are not present, the thighs cannot go anywhere and without these two, your kingdom collapses. You have to treat the Dalit well, you should give him respect and he would inturn help you all.

So, there is no sense in having any inequality. Treat all people as the same.

You shout at the world, the world shouts back at you. You smile at the world, the world smiles back at you.

Ain’t it simple??? Lemme know your views by leaving a comment. Or you can mail me the comments at suksy@suksy.com.

Unfortunate truth

Was browsing through some older posts of my google reader subscription when i came across this one.

Though I promptly shared it on the same.. I wanted to put it on my blog too.. so, here goes.

This is, sadly, the truth in life.. with most of us IT Consultants.

IT in Panic = TITANIC!!!

IT in Panic

So true with todays circumstance!

ನಿಮ್ಮ ಸಿರಿ ಸಂಪತ್ತಿನ ಒಟ್ಟು ಬೆಲೆ ಎಷ್ಟು?

ಒಮ್ಮೆ ಒಂದಾನೊಂದು ಕಾಲದಲ್ಲಿ ಒಬ್ಬ ಸೂಫಿ ಸಂತರಿಗೆ ಮಹಾರಾಜರೊಬ್ಬರು “ನಿಮ್ಮ ಆಸ್ತಿ – ಸಿರಿ – ಸಂಪತ್ತಿನ ಒಟ್ಟು ಬೆಲೆ ಎಷ್ಟಾಗಬಹುದು” ಎಂದು ಕೇಳಿದರು.
ನಮ್ಮ ನಿಮ್ಮೆಲ್ಲರ ಹಾಗೆಯೇ ಸಂತರಿಗೂ ಈ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ ಕೇಳಿ ಬಹಳ ಮುಜುಗರವಾಯಿತು. ಮಹಾರಾಜರ ರಾಜ್ಯ ವಿಶಾಲವಾಗಿದ್ದು ಅವರ ಎಣಿಕೆಗೆ ಮೀರಿದ ಅಪಾರವಾದ ಸಿರಿ ಸಂಪತ್ತು ಇದ್ದವು. ಈ ಸಂಪತ್ತಿನ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಮಹಾರಾಜರಿಗೆ ಬಹಳ ಗರ್ವವಿತ್ತು. ಸಂತರಿಗೆ ಮಹಾರಾಜರ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಬಹಳ ಗೌರವವಿದ್ದುದರಿಂಧ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆಗೆ ತಾಳ್ಮೆಯಿಂದ ಹಿಂಗೆ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದರು:

“ಅದರ ಬೆಳೆ ಇಷ್ಟೇ ಅಂಥ ಹೇಳುವುದಕ್ಕೆ ಸಮಯ ಬೇಕಾಗುವುದು. ಅಂದ ಹಾಗೆ, ನೀವು ಈ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ ಏಕೆ ಕೆಳುಥಿರುವಿರಿ? ಏಕೆಂದು ಹೇಳುವದಕ್ಕೆ ಮುಂಚೆ ನನ್ನ ಮತ್ತೊಂದು ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆಯನ್ನು ಕೇಳಿರಿ” ಎಂದು ಸಂತರು ಮಹಾರಾಜರನ್ನು ಕೇಳಿದರು

“ನೀವು ಒಂದು ಮಟ ಮಟ ಮಧ್ಯಾನ ಒಂದು ಮರುಭೂಮಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ನಡೆದು ಹೋಗುಥಿದ್ದಿರೆಂದು ಭಾವಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಿ. ಅದು ಮರುಭೂಮಿ, ಕುಡಿಯಲು ಎಲ್ಲೂ ಒಂದು ತೊಟ್ಟೂ ನೀರು ಸಿಗುಥಿಲ್ಲ. ಆದರೆ ನಿಮಗೆ ಬಹಳ ಬಾಯಾರಿಕೆಯಾಗುಥಿದೆ. ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ಘಳಿಗೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ನೀರು ಸಿಗದಿದ್ದರೆ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಪ್ರಾಣವೇ ಹೊರತು ಹೊಗುಥದೆ ಎನ್ನುವಷ್ಟು ಬಾಯಾರಿಕೆ. ಆ ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಯಾರಾದರು ಬಂದು ಒಂದು ಲೋಟ ನೀರು ಕೊಟ್ಟರೆ, ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಪ್ರತಿಯಾಗಿ ನೀವೇನು ಕೊಡುಥೀರಿ?” ಎಂದು ಸಂತರು ಮಹಾರಾಜರನ್ನು ಕೇಳಿದರು.

ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಮಹಾರಾಜರು “ನನ್ನ ಅರ್ಧ ರಾಜ್ಯವನ್ನು ಕೊಟ್ಟು ಬಿಡುತ್ಹಿನಿ” ಎಂದರು.

ಸಂತರು ಮತ್ತೆ “ಮಹಾರಾಜರೇ, ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ದೇವರು ಚಿರಕಾಲ ಆರೋಗ್ಯವಾಗಿ ಇಟ್ಟರಲಿ. ಆದರೆ ಒಂದು ಕ್ಷಣ ಇದನ್ನು ಕಲ್ಪಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಿ. ನಿಮ್ಮ ಆರೋಗ್ಯ ತೀರ ಹದಗೆಟ್ಟಿದೆ ಎಂದುಕೊಳ್ಳಿ. ವೈದ್ಯರು ಎಲ್ಲ ಬಗೆಯ ಔಷದೊಪಚಾರಗಳನ್ನು ಮಾಡಿದ್ದರೆ. ಆದರೆ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಆರೋಗ್ಯ ಸುಧಾರಿಸುಥಿಲ್ಲ. ನಿಮ್ಮ ಅಂತ್ಯಕಾಲ ಸಮೀಪಿಸುಥಿದೆ ಎನಿಸುತಿದೆ. ಆಗ ಯಾರೋ ಒಬ್ಬರು ಒಂದು ಗುಳಿಗೆಯನ್ನು ಕೊಡುತ್ಹಾರೆ. ನೀವು ಸಂಪೂರ್ಣವಾಗಿ ಗುಣಮುಖರಗುಥ್ಥಿರಿ. ಸಾವಿನಿಂದ ಪಾರಗುಥ್ಥೀರಿ. ಆಗ ಆ ಗುಳಿಗೆಗೆ ಪ್ರತಿಯಾಗಿ ನೀವೇನು ಕೊಡುತ್ತೀರಿ?”

ಮಹಾರಾಜರು ತಕ್ಷಣ “ನನ್ನ ಉಳಿದರ್ಧ ರಾಜ್ಯವನ್ನೂ ಕೊಟ್ಟು ಬಿಡುಥ್ಥಿನಿ” ಎಂದರು.

ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಹೊತ್ತು ಸುಮ್ಮನೆ ನಿಂತ ಸಂತರು “ಹಾಗಾದರೆ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಇಡೀ ರಾಜ್ಯ, ಸಿರಿ, ಸಂಪತ್ತುಗಳ ಬೆಲೆ ಕೇವಲ ಒಂದು ಲೋಟ ನೀರು ಮತ್ತು ಒಂದು ಗುಳಿಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ ಎಂದಂತಾಯಿತು. ಹಾಗಿದ್ದರೆ ಇಷ್ಟಕ್ಕೆ ನೀವು ಅಷ್ಟೇಕೆ ಗರ್ವ ಪಡುತ್ತೀರಿ?”

ಈ ಮಾತುಗಳನ್ನು ಕೆಳುಥಿದ್ದಂಥೆಯೇ ಮಹಾರಾಜರ ಮೇಲೆ ಮಂಜಿನ ಮಳೆ ಸುರಿದಂಥಾಯಿತು. ಸಂತರ ಮಾತಿನ ಅಂತರಾಳ ಅವರಿಗೆ ಅರ್ಥವಾಯಿತು. ಅಂದಿನಿಂದ ಅವರು ತಮ್ಮ ಸಿರಿ ಸಂಪತ್ತುಗಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಅಹಂಕಾರ ಪಡುವುದನ್ನು ಬಿಟ್ಟುಬಿಟ್ಟರು.

The above story in English is as follows:

Once upon a time, a wealthy king who used to take pride about his wealth asks a sufi saint: “what would be the total value of your assets and wealth?”.

Just the way anyone of us would get uncomfortable when this question is asked to any of us, even the saint was perplexed. The king was very proud of his vast kingdom and innumerable assets. However, the saint had a lot of respect in the king and chose to answer the king politely.

The saint asks the King: “To give a value to my assets would take some time. By the way, why are you asking this question? And before you answer me, Please answer this question”

The saint asks the King: “Imagine that you are walking in a desert on one hot afternoon. That is a desert, and you cannot find even a single drop of water to drink. You are very very thirsty. You feel you will die if you don’t get water for another moment. At that time, someone would give you a glass of water. What would you be giving to that person in return of that glass of water?”

The King immediately answers: “I will give him/her half of my kingdom”

The saint then asks again: “Oh King! May God give you a very long life with good health forever. But imagine this for a second. You have fallen ill. Your health is diminishing by the second. All the doctors have tried various medicines and nothing has helped. You feel you are approaching death. At that time, some stranger comes in there and gives you a tablet. You recover miraculously after consuming that tablet. You survive your near death experience. What would you give to that stranger in return of that tablet?”

The King immediately answers: “I will give him/her the remaining half of my kingdom”

After a moment’s of silence, the saint says: “So, you mean to say that your entire kingdom’s worth is just a glass of water and a tablet. For this worth, why are you so proud?”

The king feels that a bucket of icewater has been poured upon him. He understands the depth of the saint’s words. He then returns home a wise person and rules his kingdom for a long time being a humble king.