A blog of my feelings…ranging from commenting about other's blogs to commenting about stuff which happens in life and from posting mails which I like, to ranting on stuff.

Earlier, I was wondering how people could fall in love. But now, I feel that anyone can fall in love and it just happens. I had a set of feelings that people who just are into work or just out of college are not matured enough or they do not know to differentiate b/n Infatuation, Crush and Love.

Recently, a trainee of mine told me that she had a crush on me… which was rather surprising for me and I told her the same. I told her that she might have mistaken me with someone else. The answer she gave was that she is unlike all others, she has different choices and she’s in a crush on me….she even told me that she cannot fall in love for me and marry me in future coz her parents might object to any relationship that their daughter is in!!! SOS (Same Old Shit!!)

Fortunately or Unfortunately for me, we started travelling in the same cab and she found a house somewhere close to mine. So, I started visiting her house often. I just cannot forget that night when I got my first smooch. I was in the night shift then and we took a walk in the deserted Infy campus @ 2 AM. When we were near the Swimming Pool, she just turned towards me and kissed me on my lips. I had not experienced anything like that earlier and was shy to open my mouth to let her tongue explore. She just laughed at it and I started getting wicked thoughts.

Later that day, I went to her house and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. We went into her room. For the first time in my life, I was in a girls bedroom. She was wearing a yellow sleeveless nighty and just coz I had knocked at her door, she wore a jacket over it. I asked her to remove the jacket…she just laughed and told me that it was too sexy. But, to my surprise, she removed the jacket, to show her cleavage. Again, a first in life then

In this context, I often remember Munnabhai’s dialogue “Bahut saare cheesen life mein pehli baar hota hai maamu..”

We started kissing and she taught me how to kiss properly. She also taught me how to put my thoughts on to a paper and then read it later to c how stupid our thoughts are. I can never forget her…Nor I can forgive her….but that’s an entirely different story.

How could I ever forget those 45 odd days of life in which she gave me almost all pleasures and also taught me patience as per the saying “Sabre ka phal meeta hota hai”. I used to visit her almost every day in the evenings, then come back home to get dressed and leave for the office in the same van, same seat, next to each other, teasing each other by touching at all the places which others could not see. Those days, I was in Progeon, in the same team, she was still undergoing training and I was processing. We used to exchange letters and glances, in the office too…but we did not proceed any further in the office.

Our shifts changed…we continued keeping in touch through calls and messages. One day. She told that she was not in love with me, could not continue our relationship coz she was engaged to a person working in the Army in Delhi. I still doubt that….This, somewhat, did not dishearten me and I continued to think of her in the same way. I loved her and wanted to make her happy. I had told her that I loved her and she had refused.

Then, enters the Bastard. He pinged me on sametime one Monday morning @ 7:45 and makes me swear to tell the truth. I told him that I just did not love anyone and I “had” a crush on a girl, but that crush is long from over. That asshole took the chat and told it to her. She believed him and not me….she is now moving with that son of a bitch.

We had a nice relationship, I was prospering well in life, work and family matters as well..one of the high times in life. Then, all of a sudden, it crashed down. No wonder, I cannot forgive her. She is planning to move in with him, He is quitting the company.

That’s life I feel…“For every low in life, there is a larger than life high”.

Today morning, it was something which I did not expect. She is in the day shift and she looked at me and gave me a smile…the same smile which made my day those days….Dunno why this is for…is this coz that bastard is quitting or is this true or is this just to mislead me???? Can neone suggest me???

Suks, whatever happens, happens for the good…Enjoy maadi

PS: I have no intentions to hurt anyone and that’s the reason I have not named anyone.

I have started blogging and reading other’s blogs that I obviously have to get inspired out of it. Blogging is sure addictive, but it is good when you have enough time to spare and not do anything but blog

The other day, courtesy Ramblin’ Man’s Pages, I got to know of this blog called India Uncut.

IndiaUncut is a blog of Amit Verma, who, in my opinion is a radical writer. He does not bother abt his posts and hence, this blog can be found in the bloglists of many other blogs. I too would like to become one. The problem is that I am thinking a bit too much about other people and their feelings when they read my blog. Why the hell should I bother. A person, if in case, goes through my blog, then he would get to know my ideas.

I always have this feeling that I am unwanted…nobody likes me and nobody will speak to me. This feeling has been there from the days when I started studying and has been there till date and I think this will continue forever.

I have come to terms with my life and think why should I bother abt other ppl…but still, the feeling pervails. Dunno abt it. I somehow have another feeling that someone keeps a tab on whatever I do and they do not want to come to light. Very contradicting feelings right??? To get rid of these feelings, I took up an appointment with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist just dismissed me and my thoughts telling that it happens to everyone. So, am just thinking whether it is true.